maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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