You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
