My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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