some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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