I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
