Swine flu. Run for my life!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
