my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
