Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
