he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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