i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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