Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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