he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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