Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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