i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize