look no pants
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
