Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
