just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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