between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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