Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
