do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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