You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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