Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
