anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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