I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
