I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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