Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
