I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
