you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
