My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
