its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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