NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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