I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
