Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
