Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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