"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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