I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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