My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
