Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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