i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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