This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My vagina is officially offended.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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