JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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