You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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