R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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