he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
