I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
