Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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