so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
