Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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