Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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