I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
