this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
