Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
