This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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