oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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