oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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