he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
