Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
