i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize