I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
