and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
