my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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