dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
