He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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