It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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