It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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