it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
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We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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