WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
