Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
