I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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