Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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