My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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