I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
