So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
