this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
