Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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