i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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