Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
