Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
