im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
