Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
