awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
