I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
