Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
