yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
