did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize