is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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