I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize